How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
i think im in europe. pls send help
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
