This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
