Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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