Please, let me fuck your mom
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
