I smell stomach acid.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
