ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
