I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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