i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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