It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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