She went from zero to smokin in five shots
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
