i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
