im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
