dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize