i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
