I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
