Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
ttyl tear gas
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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