if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Randomize