Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
