Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize