She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
