Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I have already put on my inside pants.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
