We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
