You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
