Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
