yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
