I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
