so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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