Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
