Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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