Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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