Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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