Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
