ADVERTISEMENT

• (202): View more from Washington, DC

  I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared

  Fav 29 1403 1757

  share tweet
  

• (203): View more from Connecticut

  Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.

  Fav 6 4107 1446

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (850): View more from Florida

  We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?

  Fav 8 3661 1123

  share tweet
  

• (202): View more from Washington, DC

  My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.

  Fav 7 3415 1203

  share tweet
  

• (325): View more from Texas

  I fcuked ip.

  (214): View more from Texas

  Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?

  Fav 2 1728 856

  share tweet
  

• (812): View more from Indiana

  I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.

  Fav 1 834 1700

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (908): View more from New Jersey

  he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward

  Fav 4 1709 934

  share tweet
  

• (907): View more from Alaska

  Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.

  Fav 9 717 2209

  share tweet
  

• (613): View more from Ontario

  Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"

  Fav 2 730 461

  share tweet
  

• (304): View more from West Virginia

  I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk

  Fav 0 522 418

  share tweet
  

• (443): View more from Maryland

  The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?

  Fav 9 977 582

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (907): View more from Alaska

  First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)

  Fav 0 390 181

  share tweet
  

• (703): View more from Virginia

  I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.

  Fav 1 120 209

  share tweet
  

• (603): View more from New Hampshire

  She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that

  Fav 4 27 103

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (843): View more from South Carolina

  IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did

  Fav 2 54 14

  share tweet
  

Randomize