I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
