i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
