Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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