just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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