my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
