I accidentally had phone sex last night
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
