Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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