Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize