I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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