There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
