im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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