I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
