what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
