I wannas sexs uuuuu
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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