Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
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