I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize