He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Randomize
