she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
