The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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