I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
