My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
