your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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