my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
