You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
