I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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