At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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