Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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