and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
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