There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
