so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
