now i know why i became what i already was.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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