Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Vodka?
Forever.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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