haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
