I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
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