Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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