accomplished twins. life is a go
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Randomize
