I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
