he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
