I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
