when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
