Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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